Well-adjusted people say the best way to deal with the challenges of life is to keep a positive mindset. I agree to this to a limited degree. If you INSIST on a positive outcome, then you might miss the opportunity to give up and try something completely different. Positive thinkers think their positivity will prevent self-sabotage. A hopeful outlook can, so they say, ensure you don;t give up and keep trying even when things aren’t working out.
But is there a single positive thinker who has not given up at some point and chose a radically different direction only to find that it was the best option all along. All that time you spent trying to be positive about what was an unrealistic prospect could have guided you towards a better option a long time ago, long before you became Candidean about your situation.
Take trying to make money in a particular place, time, as a particular type of person with a background, a perspective, experiences, is not guaranteed to lead to your goals, regardless of how positive you think.
In fact, sometimes assuming the worst is the most likely outcome, can save you alot of pain and suffering trying to do somthing that you just are not going to pull off, no matter how hard you try. In occultism, some believe there is an innate “will” that, if you get in touch with it, guides you towards to culmination of “The Great Work”. If you pursue goals which conflict with your “True Will”, no matter how hard you try, it will always be out of reach. After all, it is not what your true will actually seeks. It may be what your ego seeks, but not your True Will, or, put another way, not the bidding of the Holy Guardian Angel. At least occultists realize the holy guardian angel might not always be a being of pure light, far from it!
Now that I am back from my day of trying to get to a job interview by bus, the curse appeared to be in full affect. The app took me to the bus stop location, but there was no stop indicated. I knew there was a stop down the road though. As I walked that way, my bus drove by. I tried to run and get it, but missed it. I finally got to the stop, waited 30 minutes. I knew I was going to be late so I tried to book an uber to pick me up when I got off the bus. But the bust kept stalling and when I got to the crossroads, the driver was nowhere around and had left. I ended up having to pay for it though.
So its already time for the interview. I begin to walk towards the store. I call them and lie, saying my car broke down and I would be there in 20 minutes.
I arrived all sweaty and stressed. I went into the bathroom to wipe some of the sweat off and get ahold of myself.
The interview went well despite commiting the number one cardinal sin of a job interview. After it was over, I tried to find the bus stop home and they just don’t mark bus stops where I live. You can use an app, but it takes you to some random patch of dirt with no indication a bus stops there. Then I discovered too I had not brought enough change for the ride home so fuck it I ordered a lyft. Of course just when I got in the car, I missed the text from the missues offering me a ride. I could saved thirty bucks. Oh well. At least the driver was interesting. A musician with a daughter, pining for the good ol days and the wild grassroots music scenes in LA and New York and the demise of any good live musice anywhere on this patch of dirt I call home, unlike thirty years ago.
The worst thing about the curse is how it is characterized by this buzzing around me from every angle of problem after problem until it all seems worth forgetting about no matter what the cost. I’d rather be a nobody, have nothing, and just forget about things for awhile than keep trying to fight for things. Perhaps that is one of the goals of a curse? To wear away at the cursee until they amount to nothing. But thn, we’re all eventually headed that way anyhow. Maybe speeding things up is a kind of twisted blessing.